Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius August 27, 2017 Spiritual Ponderings Toxic Behaviors
I was recently talking with a friend about this month’s spiritual ponderings topic about Toxic behaviors. He responded to me by quoting Martin Luther King Jr: “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.” I immediately knew that my friend was on to something. Love is wanting what is best for another person even if it requires a sacrifice on my part and Jesus commands us to love ourselves within the context of the Law of Love. Improving our lives by making the sacrifices necessary to overcome these toxic behaviors should therefore be an important part of the life of every Christian. Two more toxic behaviors to confront, remember the quotes from the handout are in bold and my commentary is in regular font.
Superficial Being overly judgmental will only force people to judge you because of your superficial nature. It's not fair to judge others with scrutiny. Some people only choose to show others a side that they want to see - this can go both ways, therefore it is not wise to pass judgment on others.
The following quote from Mother Teresa comes to mind every time I think about judging other people. “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
I also think of an interview that Michael Bay the director of the Transformers movies gave. In this interview he explained that he personally limited the dialogue of the evil robots in his first movie because he realized in his own life that people become less scary the more we hear them speak. When I find people whom I want to judge and dismiss right away, I remember Michael Bay’s insight and I try to listen to them. Most of the time, I discover that there is nothing to be scared of or that they are nothing like I thought they would be.
Cruelty Cruelty stems from a lack of empathy and compassion for others. Tearing people down is not the right way to treat people. In the long run cruelty, backstabbing, and hurting others for any reason will hurt you. People enter your life for a reason, do not treat them cruelly and push them away.
When I was growing up, I worked in a pizza place where my manager would instruct us to work with the customer until he or she started to cuss. If the customer started to cuss then according to the manager we had a right to hang up on the customer or walk away. It was my manager’s philosophy that no one ever deserved to be cussed at or threaten. I, think he was on to something.
In my own life there are a few people who from time to time think that the best way for them to get what they want is to be intimidating and mean. I guarantee that these people do not get what they want from me but instead they simply get me to pray for them that they will see that their temper will not get them what they want.
I have also come to realize that it takes more strength to do things in a loving way instead of resorting to force. St. Frances de Sales put it this way: "Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength."
One last thought, I have come to believe that people are like turtles in that you have to make them feel safe if you want them to come out of their shells. It is therefore good to avoid any form of violence or cruelty when dealing with another person.
Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.