Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius
February 7, 2015
Spiritual Ponderings
21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage

“Your decision to marry will almost certainly be the most significant and influential decision of your life.” – Dr. Allen Hunt. Last fall I received a collection of five books from Dynamic Catholic as a sort of free sampler pack. Among these books was one by Dr. Allen Hunt on forgiveness. I found it to be truly inspiring and yet practical so I quickly searched out other books by Dr. Allen Hunt. I came across The 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage and quickly began reading it. Dr. Allen Hunt a former pastor of a Protestant mega-church, who is now Catholic, has been happily married to his wife Anita through the many changes in his life. Quotes from his book will be in bold and my commentary will be in regular font.

01. The Secret of Purpose: If you’re going to be married, you have to know where you’re going.
“Blessed is the couple who understands their marriage as a pathway to heaven.”
The Catholic Church teaches us that every human beings ultimate goal is unity with the Blessed Trinity. When I try to visualize this I find myself of being caught up in a sort of whirlwind of love. At every moment of my existence in heaven I am receiving so much love that my mortal body could not hold it and at the same time I am giving others so much love that if I was not constantly being filled up that I would go empty. In marriage husband and wives are suppose to give all that they have to their spouse (and family) to they have nothing left and in return they are to be filled up with love from their spouse (and family). By practicing this everyday couples prepare themselves to spend eternity doing the same.

02. The Secret of Sacrament: God shows up in the vows. Every day.
That’s the only word to describe it: mystery. What other word could possibly describe what it’s like to merge two people into one, to combine two lives into a single whole? Each marriage takes on a life and a character al its own, totally unique to that relationship. That is a mystery. And that is a sacrament.
It all comes down to attitude. When I was in high school I remember telling my aunt that I had to work on the fourth of July and she quickly informed me that “I got to work”. She reminded me that there were many people who desired to have a job and could not get one. From that day on, I looked at my job in a new and totally different light. Work went from being something I had to do to being something I got to do. We can look at married life as an obligation. I am stuck as a part of this family or I cannot wait until I can get away from all these people or I can see family and if I am married my spouse as a gift from God. Catholics do not believe that you can choose just anyone and marry them and live happily ever after. We believe that you need to find the one person God created to be your spouse. If you are married enjoy being married. If your marriage is in trouble then rejoice that you have an opportunity to fix it.

God will give you the grace, strength, and might necessary to live out your marriage vows during good times and in bad and in sickness and in health. When God gives us a task (like being God’s image in the world) He gives everyone the grace necessary to do so. He gave Moses the grace to lead His people out of slavery, Joshua the grace to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land, Blessed Virgin Mary to be the Mother of God, and St. Paul to proclaim His Gospel to the Gentiles.

03. The Secret of Synergy: in marital math, one is greater than two.
Coaches inspire their players with words about how the whole of the team is greater than just adding up of the talents of the individual team members. That’s why championship teams rarely consist of the most all-stars. Championship teams merge the talents of the teammates in a mysterious way so that the team is greater than the parts that make it up. Business executives attest to the same thing. The synergy of parts working together is much more effective than a bunch of great people each working on their own.
There is nothing I love more than to be on a well successful team but there is nothing I hate more than being on a dysfunctional team. One of the key aspects for me in all my relationships is the need to remind myself and others that we are on the same team. I would think that this is ten times more important in marriage than in any other relationship.
God really wants what is best for each of us. It is pride, envy, lust, etc. that turns us into each other’s top rivals instead of allowing us to live in the freedom of being sons and daughters of God. The married couples that inspire me the most are the couples who don’t point out each other’s faults but the husband simply fills in the gap that the wife leaves behind and the wife fills in the gaps that husband leaves behind.