Chastity

01-08

The Church’s teaching on sex and marriage is good news.  This truth must be emphasized from the start.  It’s good news because it’s the truth about love, and true love is the fulfillment of the human person.
            But the Church’s teaching on sex and marriage is also challenging news.  This so because the truth is about love is always challenging. 
            When we search out the true meaning of sexuality, we touch on the core of our being, as men and women.  We encounter our deepest longing and aspirations and, at the same time, our deepest fears, wounds, selfishness, and sins.  Here lies the challenge: we must face the reality of our humanity—the good and the bad—if we are to discover the truth about our sexuality.  Inevitable this leads us to the cross.  For it is Christ who, by showing us the truth about love, shows us the meaning of life. - Christopher West

40 Reasons to Stop PornChurch;s

With the shockingly quick and easy access to an unlimited, ever-increasing supply of porn these days, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that both science and personal accounts are coming out by the day, exposing the negative impact porn has on peoples’ lives. If you’ve come across these types of articles here and there but still haven’t found the motivation you need to kick your porn habit, we’ve got 40 good reasons for you.

1. Have Better Sex

Perhaps the biggest lie porn sells is that its fantasy world is filled with sex positivity: sexual education, more sex, better sex, etc. What it doesn’t mention, however, is that the deeper a user dives into that fantasy world, the more likely their reality is to become just the opposite. Porn is complicated, the science is simple: the more pornography a person views, the harder it becomes for them to be aroused by a real person or a real relationship. Ditch the shallow counterfeits and put the “sex” back in sexy!

2. It’s Like A Drug

On the surface, cocaine and porn don’t seem to have a lot in common but more and more studies are coming out showing that viewing pornography tricks your brain into releasing the same pleasure chemicals as drugs. Much like a drug, when these pleasure chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin pulse through the brain, they help to create new brain pathways that essentially lead the user back to the behavior that triggered the chemical release in the first place, mimicking a drug addiction. Porn is a drug injected through the eyes, and although quitting can feel just as daunting and impossible as quitting a substance, the support out there is making it more possible than ever and the reward will feel just as liberating!

3.  Habits and Addiction Can Escalate

Because of its addictive nature, in order to retain the same level of interest and excitement, an individual usually needs an ever-increasing dosage of porn and constantly evolving material. Over time, their appetite pushes them to more hardcore versions just to achieve the same level of arousal. The unshackling feeling that comes from breaking free from addiction before it escalates will empower you to live your life to its fullest potential!

4. Improve Behavior 

Sooner or later, users start to find themselves getting aroused by things that used to disgust them or that go against what they think deep down is right. Once they start regularly watching extreme and dangerous sex acts, these porn users are being taught that those behaviors are more normal and common than they actually are. There’s an obvious destructive behavior pattern caused by porn that compromises beliefs, changes ideas and turns relationships sour when pressure is placed on a partner to perform or live up to the standards set by porn. Reversing destructive behavior will happen soon after deciding to cut this hazardous influence from your life.

5. Form Deeper Connections 

The porn industry objectifies people and commoditizes the act of sex. There’s nothing romantic or realistic about porn sex, and it seriously puts a disconnect between the viewer and reality. This makes it hard for them to have an intimate connection with a real person. You’ll only feel complete when you disconnect with porn and connect with real person!

6. Appreciate Your Body

The makeup, surgery, Photoshop and acting that goes into porn gives us an unrealistic view of the human body and sexuality. We start to subconsciously compare ourselves to what we’re seeing, causing overthinking and low self-esteem when it comes time to being intimate. Kicking your porn habit will restore a healthy body image and reinstate the sense confidence that you deserve.

7. Appreciate Those You’re Attracted To

In addition to affecting the way we see ourselves, porn causes us to under-appreciate the opposite sex by training us to see them as sexual objects and not as humans with beautiful and unique features. It’s likely due to the fact that porn promotes a completely fictional version of how people look and behave, and creates a false exciting reality that their partners can never live up to. One of the first positive effects that people report soon after quitting porn is the ability to truly appreciate the beauty of the opposite sex without constantly undressing them in their mind.

8. Prevent Sexual Dysfunction (ED)

This one is for the guys out there. The fact is porn often leads to less sex and less satisfying sex. For a surprising amount of viewers, porn eventually means no sex at all. Regular viewing of porn has been found to affect the brain in such a way that it hinders sexual performance when they get with an actual human being. Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real thing in men, a side effect of watching porn that they probably never see coming until it’s too late. The only cure is to quit porn and let their brain “rewire” and return to normal.

9. Stop Supporting Sex Trafficking 

The facts are there: clicking porn directly fuels the demand for sex trafficking. There are a countless victims of human sex trafficking that are forced to have sex on camera. Even in the “legitimate” adult industry, porn stars are frequently victims of violence and drug abuse. There’s no just no way to know the dark origins behind what we’re watching. By refusing to click, you’re refusing to contribute to the demand for sexual exploitation.

10. Porn Promotes Violence Against Women

From making actors participate in unsafe sex to the countless real stories of actresses speaking out about the rape, violence and drugs behind the camera, there is certainly a dark reality to this industry. Porn tries to normalize this exploitation but we’re not buying it. To watch porn is to support a questionable industry that abuses its actors in addition to harming those who watch it. Not cool.

11. Porn Can Lead To Violent Behavior

It’s true that not all porn is the same, but the reality is that the majority of even the most mainstream porn is packed full of women being physically and verbally abused—and watching it takes a serious toll on the viewer. Even the non-violent porn portrays a power difference between partners where men are in charge and women are submissive sex objects. But unlike violence in movies where someone gets mad and fights back, research has shown that 95% of the victims of aggression in porn scenes reacted neutral or responded with pleasure. This confuses frequent viewers to believe violence is sexy, and can lead them to hurting women in real life during sex. Unlearning this violent behavior will undoubtedly benefit you, your partner and your sex life.

12. Increase Your Creativity

We believe that in order to be truly creative, you have to connect with deepest most honest parts of yourself. Porn clogs up your imagination with cheap content that disconnects you from feeling real passion and motivation. Once you let explicit images stop distracting you from inspiration, you’ll feel more imaginative than ever! (Read: Why Your Porn Habit Might Be Killing Your Creativity.)

13. Live A More Honest Life

Not every porn viewer lies about their addiction, but most feel ashamed and obligated to hide it. Whether they admit it or not, they know that their partner wouldn’t like the idea of them sexually bonding to a computer screen. When you live a lie for long enough, you start to convince yourself of it as well and the more lies you tell, the harder it becomes to tell the truth about anything. Bring your dirty little secret out into the light and we guarantee you’ll feel more free than ever before.

14. Free Up Some Time
You’ve probably realized by now that porn takes up a lot of your time! Porn viewers spend anywhere between a few minutes to a few hours daily consuming these harmful images. Anyone who frequently watches porn knows that as the years have gone on, they watch harder material for longer periods of time. Think of it this way: if you spent just 10 minutes a day watching porn, that’s over 60 hours at the end of the year you could have spent doing something beneficial to your life! Time is precious; spend it on making memories that last, not on images that disappear with a click.

15. Find Someone Special

In porn, everything from the way people look to how and why they have sex is a lie. Porn viewers often get so obsessed with chasing something that isn’t real that they miss out on actual relationships. Research has even shown that less men are getting married because they feel porn takes care of all their sexual needs. Ditch the lies and go find the the love of your life! They’re waiting for you!

16. Be A Better Partner

Porn doesn’t just affect you, it affects your partner as well. While a great deal of information exists for those suffering from addiction, partners are often left feeling alone with equally real wounds of their own. Partners of porn viewers commonly feel betrayed and neglected when their significant other chooses to share their sexuality with a screen instead of them. When you cut porn from being the third party, you’ll find it easier to build a healthier relationship emotionally and sexually.

17. Become A Better Parent 

The harmful effects of porn don’t always revolve around romantic partners like boyfriends/girlfriends or husbands/wives. There are countless stories, like this one, that show how porn can isolate, consume, and eventually even destroy families. Additionally, children and teens these days are exposed to hardcore porn at a young age, and many receive their sex-ed from porn which depicts unrealistic portrayals of human sexuality, leading to lifelong issues in the bedroom. Promote healthy displays of affection in your home and promote a porn-free life for your future family.

18. Become A Better Friend

Your porn habit can isolate you from valuable social time with friends and the shame that comes with watching porn can cause you to be distant at social gatherings. When you no longer allow yourself to be a prisoner to this habit, you no longer have to worry about the chains that come with it.

19. Maintain Mental/Emotional Health

Being tied to a consistent porn habit requires you to spend a lot of time alone and can quickly make you uninterested in the everyday pleasures of life such as having conversations with real people and being active. Research has shown that frequent porn viewing is connected to mental/emotional health issues such as anxiety and depression. There is a strong victory over these challenges that comes with quitting porn that can be truly liberating.

20. Take Back Control

One in five people who regularly watch porn admit to feeling controlled by their own sexual desires. As a result, many viewers start feeling like something’s wrong with them because they don’t know how to be turned on by a real person. This only leads to watching more porn because it’s the only escape that works. Quitting porn allows you to take back control of your sexual desires and connect with a real person.

21. Don’t Believe the Fantasy

With the exaggerated bodies and rehearsed scenes in porn, viewers can quickly lose perspective on their own natural desires, as well as their partner’s. Unplugging from porn will help you become more in tune with what you and your partner want instead of influencing you to reenact what you’ve seen in porn. Be the author of your own sexuality, not an imitation of something that isn’t even real.

22. Increase Sexual Energy

If you’re watching porn, you’re probably also doing something else that’s giving you a sexual release. Many people deep in their porn habit do this multiple times a day. If you’re too busy venting your sex drive this way, you’re not going to have much interest in real sexual intimacy with a partner. You may have already experienced a lack of drive or the inability to perform with your partner. By quitting porn, you’ll reclaim that natural energy.

23. Increase Overall Energy 

It’s obvious that porn consumes your time and your sexual attention, but do you think about how that doesn’t leave you with energy for much else? A demanding porn habit will definitely drain your body of the mental and physical energy it needs to keep up with the daily hustle of life. By turning off the monitor, you can focus on being productive and making a difference in your life and others.

24. Regain Focus 

People often watch porn as an escape when they become overwhelmed by the daily decisions of life. Quitting porn allows you to assume responsibility and become accountable for your own goals. By getting this distraction out of your life, you can start to focus on the things that really matter to you.

25. Reclaim Self-Confidence

A belief in yourself is a huge casualty of consistent porn viewing. People who feel they are addicted who porn believe they are broken human beings with a damaged capacity to love and feel joy. These negative feelings come from your own negative feelings about porn mixed with your inability to quit, or from any of the negative side effects that go with repeatedly watching porn. By kicking the habit, you begin to be happy, which will fuel your confidence in all aspects of your life.

26. Protect Your Marriage

Addiction to pornography is cited as a major reason couples divorce annually around the world. Whether you are currently married or one day hope to be, it’s a sure bet that porn is a poisonous ingredient in a marriage. When porn is preferred to a healthy sexual relationship with a spouse, the outcome is often a broken home. With a risk, as serious as this, it makes sense to remove porn from your life all together and avoid a bunch of issues in marriage.

27. Save Your Money

Porn is a global, $97 billion industry, with $12 billion of that coming from the United States. How much have you spent on it? Even if the answer is nothing, think about it this way: your time spent watching porn could have been spent on either A) making money or B) performing better at work where you could now be making more money. Time is money after all, and by focusing your time on porn you’re being very unproductive to say the least.

28. Maintain Your Natural Sexuality

Porn removes the concept of intimacy from sex. It teaches that sex is about taking selfish pleasure rather than giving love. When you fill your mind with the explicit material porn offers, it takes away the excitement of intimacy and even distorts your sexuality. By kicking the habit, your brain can return to normal and reset your arousal patterns to normal.

29. Protect Your Passions

The more you watch porn, the less you desire the things that previously got you excited. Hanging out with friends, playing sports, making music, etc., all these things lack the “shock factor” that porn gives the brain. Soon, you start to lose interest in anything that doesn’t bring the ultra-arousal of pornography. But not to worry, the sooner you cut out porn, the sooner you can restore a healthy and fulfilling approach to the things you care about most.

30. Prevent Sexual Compulsion/Addiction

Addiction is never a good thing, regardless of what it is. Porn can create a constant need for sex/sexual material that needs to be fueled, but is never truly satisfied. This cycle can quickly grow into an obsession for the viewer, which inhibits their ability to function like a normal person in the company of people, especially the opposite sex, and can also lead to serious harmful behaviors like soliciting prostitutes to act out what they’ve seen in porn. Not making porn a part of your life is a sure way to not step foot down a potentially life changing road.

31. Don’t Bond To A Screen
Oxytocin is commonly called the love hormone or the “bonding chemical” because it plays an important part in intimacy by connecting two people. Because the chemical is naturally released during sex, watching porn triggers the release of oxytocin as well, tricking your brain and essentially bonding you to the computer screen. Keep love real, and don’t take fake.

32. Prevent Anxiety

As talked about earlier, porn can be the onset of a number of different anxiety problems. When viewers feel like they have to be watching porn or can’t stop thinking about it, it creates serious anxiety. Not to mention, this anxiety can transfer over to the bedroom and contribute to porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Anxiety can be extremely crippling and most people experience it to on some level from the daily stresses of life as it is. Why add to it?

33. Prevent Depression

We know that pornography and other addictions are used as self-medicating tools which only lead to feeling worse than before. The momentary escape only leads to feeling lower than before. Porn is a negative influence in your life, and an easy way to start feeling happier and more free is giving it the boot.

34. Live Without Shame

It’s pretty simple: no porn equals no shame. The secrecy surrounding your habit can have huge negative effects on your life and shame can quickly settle in. You may find yourself watching things you find disgusting, but can’t seem to stop. When this feeling starts to take its toll, it usually leads to medicating with more porn. You’re guaranteed to feel relief when you break the chains of this vicious cycle.

35. Increase Productivity

Think about what more motivation could mean for you. Do you want to be more ambitious and driven? Are you wanting to achieve your goals? A survey of a Reddit community called NoFap, which is committed to breaking free from porn, found that 67% of those who quit had an increase in energy levels as well as productivity. Put it to the test for yourself. What are you waiting for?!

36. Be Better At Your Job

Besides the obvious fact that porn is a waste of time, viewing it can also make the viewer depressed and anxious, and make them perform worse at their job. In fact, real stories of people being caught watching porn at work prove that more and more people are putting their jobs at risk by looking at porn during work hours. Don’t let this destructive material ruin the things that matter most for your daily life.

37. Prevent STD’s

Researchers have repeatedly found that people who have seen a significant amount of porn are more likely to start having sex sooner and with more partners, and to engage in riskier kinds of sex, putting them at greater risk of getting sexually transmitted infections.

38. Be Proud of Yourself

By quitting porn, you’re taking a stand against a dangerous, exploitive industry and becoming an advocate for positive personal and social change. This is definitely something you can feel proud of. Change yourself, and change the world.

39. Better the World

Every single click made on a porn site is counted by the greedy companies that make that content. Clicking fuels the demand for more, feeding and growing a dark industry that harms society as a whole. For all of the harmful reasons mentioned above, stop contributing to something that ruins peoples lives and supports sexual exploitation. This negative influence doesn’t have to affect you, your peers or the countless people in the industry who are are forced, coerced, and abused behind the camera. Take a stand and be the change you want to see in the world.

40. Love 

This is by far the most important reason to quit porn. Above all, porn can seriously come between you and your partner. It distorts the meaning of love and intimacy. The most common true stories we receive are from partners who lost the love of their life due to a struggle with porn that tore their relationship apart slowly but surely. We all want and need love. It’s the most important thing we can experience in life. If fighting for love isn’t the best reason to stay away from porn, we don’t know what is. Porn kills love, but it doesn’t have to. Choose love, not porn.

Struggling with porn?

Our Fortify app is currently helping over 50,000 users worldwide get the help they need with our addiction recovery program. Designed to help users take a step toward freedom and break their porn habit, anyone who already has a Fortify account can use the app for free. If you aren’t a Fortifier yet, head over to fortifyprogram.org and sign up to get started. The entire online program is free for individuals under 21 years old and is an inexpensive one-time fee for adults.

The late great Pope John Paul II has started a revolution if not in the world; he has at least done so in the Church by giving us all an opportunity to come to a better understanding of the Church’s teaching on sex.   In a collection of talks, which are now called John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body”, we can begin to understand just what a wonderful gift our sexuality is and the reason behind why God has given us this wonderful gift.  An outspoken promoter of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body Christopher West in his book Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions about Catholic Teaching puts it this way:

            The Church’s teaching on sex and marriage is good news.  This truth must be emphasized from the start.  It’s good news because it’s the truth about love, and true love is the fulfillment of the human person.

            But the Church’s teaching on sex and marriage is also challenging news.  This so because the truth about love is always challenging. 

            When we search out the true meaning of sexuality, we touch on the core of our being, as men and women.  We encounter our deepest longing and aspirations and, at the same time, our deepest fears, wounds, selfishness, and sins.  Here lies the challenge: we must face the reality of our humanity—the good and the bad—if we are to discover the truth about our sexuality.  Inevitable this leads us to the cross.  For it is Christ who, by showing us the truth about love, shows us the meaning of life.

Understanding that the Church’s teaching about sex is good news and being able to follow the Church teachings by rejecting all temptations against the virtues of purity and chastity can be quite different.  Our society is constantly bombarding us with sexual values that are very contrary to the Gospel.

I would like to share with you now 10 ways in which we can help develop the virtues of chastity and purity in our own lives with the grace of God.

1.         Remember that your “no” today is a “yes” to something else.
One summer I had the privilege of working a LIFETEEN summer camp with some wonderful college students from across the United States.  The staff and I had arrived on Sunday to prepare the camp before the campers would arrive on Monday.  When we were finished with all of our preparation work it was about 8PM.  The director of the camp told the staff that they could stay up as late as they wanted but they were to remember this simple principle: There “no” tonight (meaning going to be at a decent hour and saying “no” to partying all night long” would be a “yes” to tomorrow (meaning that all the staffers would be better able to serve the campers when they arrived because they would not all be sleep deprived). 

Sometimes we can think that the Church is all about saying “no” but the truth of the matter the Church is more about saying “yes”.  We believe that God has a plan for us and in the Church we call this plan a vocation.  If we desire to find true happiness then we need answer God’s call for us and follow God’s plan for us.  He is after all our designer, creator, and redeemer.  If God’s plan for us is to find happiness through a vocation to the priesthood or religious life it is easy to see how giving into sexual temptation can take us away from our vocation.  The same though is also true if God’s plan for you is to find happiness through the sacrament of marriage.  Giving into sexual temptations before marriage and even while one is married leads a person to bring sinfully bad habits into their marriage.  Sexual sins make it easier for spouses to stop viewing each other as gifts from God and to begin to see them more as objects for their own desires.  Instead of being selfless in marriage sexual sins begin to make spouses more and more selfish.  Remember that saying “no” to sexual temptation is really saying “yes” to God’s plan of love for you.

2.         Realize that your sexuality is at the core of who you are.
When we talk about issues of sexuality we are talking about more than just sexual intercourse.  We are talking about what it means to be a male or female, how we view the opposite sex, how we expect them to view us, and in a very real way the purpose of life itself. 

In their book Every Young Woman’s Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in A Sex-Saturated World, Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn use the image of a person’s sexuality as being similar to a table top in which the person places his or her hopes and dreams.  I believe this is a really good image because the truth of the matter is that how we treat and think about our sexuality will determine whether or not many of our hopes and dreams will come true and what our future holds.  They continue on with this image of the table in order to present a holistic approach to the ideas of chastity and purity.  They ask their readers to see that a table is only as good as its legs and so the stability of our lives in regards to sexuality is only as strong as each one of the four pillars of chastity and purity: physical chastity, intellectual chastity, emotional chastity, and spiritual chastity. 

Physical chastity is more than just not doing “it”.  It has more to do with realizing that our body and our sexuality is a most precious gift from God.  They are like fine diamonds that should be protected and not costume jewelry which has very little true value.  Catholicism in a special way treasures the body because it is through the body that the spiritual is manifested.  In a way your body is the sacrament of your soul.

Intellectual chastity is informing oneself of the truths of our sexuality both the physical and spiritual aspects.  It is about taking the time to evaluate what the Church is saying about sexuality and what society is saying and deciding which way is most likely to lead you to true and everlasting happiness.  Intellectual chastity is also about talking respectfully about the gift of sex and staying away from slang or crude sexual innuendos.

Emotional chastity is all about understanding one’s emotions and feelings.  It requires a great amount of time and honesty to evaluate our emotions and to make sure our decisions are not being motivated out of fear.  When we act out of a fear of not being a part of the group or a fear of loneliness we will find ourselves in trouble.  Emotional chastity is also about knowing that you are fine just the way you are and you do not need to be in a relationship.  As I tell engage couples if you cannot live without your future spouse then don’t live with them.  God calls to independent people to the sacrament of marriage. 

Spiritual chastity is all about developing a relationship with the one who can fill all our hearts desires and trusting that this divine being has a plan for us.  When we begin to doubt His love for us we get ourselves into trouble because then we try do things our way and like the ancient Israelites the more we do things our way the more we get ourselves into trouble.

3.         Separate the thought from the action
Our society today provides many temptations to sin against chastity and purity by pornography, masturbation, etc.  It is important that when we begin to feel tempted to commit a sin that we create time between the thought of sinning and the actual act of sinning and the best way to do that is to simply pray.  When feeling tempted to sin, saying a Hail Mary or praying the rosary can help not only in a spiritual way but also by mentally refocusing our attention onto something appropriate.

4.         Prayer
Prayer is of primary importance because we need God’s help to overcome temptation.  Prayer helps us be opening ourselves up to God’s divine loving presence and by helping re-orientating ourselves from our own selfish wills to the loving will of God.

5.         Remember the opposite of love
Remember the opposite of love according to John Paul II is not hate but rather objectifying someone.  When I love someone I want what is best for that person even if that means sacrifice on my part.  When I do not love someone I stop respecting their personhood and I begin objectify them.  I begin thinking about how I can get what I want from them at any cost.

6.         Self-Respect
Remember that God created you out of love and He more wonderfully redeemed you through the death and resurrection of Jesus.  We are priceless in the eyes of God and we deserve to be respected.  Never let the devil work on you by attacking your self-esteem.  No one ever deserves to feel worthless.

7.         Acknowledge your sins
It is important that when we fail in all sins that we acknowledge that failure so that we can learn from it.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation is great because it is gives us a clean slate.  We can learn from our failures without having to carrying around the guilt from them.  The key to Alcoholics Anonymous is that each person must acknowledge that they have a problem that they cannot solve themselves and that they need the help of a higher power.

8.         Healthy Relationships
It is also very important to develop healthy relationships.  Take the time to know people for who they are.  There is a process here that cannot be rushed.  You should never started sharing all your intimate details of your life the first time you meet them and so you should never give them one of the most intimate parts of your life (your sexuality) because it will only lead to a person getting hurt.

9.         Avoid Temptation
Sometimes people like to complain that God did not stop them from falling into the sexual temptation.  This is very similar to a guy who falls off the cliff blaming God for his death or injuries despite the fact that there were many warning signs about the cliff.  Life is not all about seeing how far you can push things until you get into trouble.  Sometimes it is just important to stay away from the near occasion of sin.

10.       Accountability
Take the time to develop a support group or to have a spiritual director.  We are all a lot less likely to commit a sin if we know someone is going to be checking in with us later.
 
West, Christopher, Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions about Catholic Teaching (Ann Arbor, MI: Servant Publications, 2000)

Ethridge, Shannon and Stephen Arterburn: Every Young Woman’s Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body, In A Sex-Saturated World (Colorado Springs: Water Brook Press, 2004)

From time to time because of my work with the Girl Scouts I am asked to give my opinion on a dress code for young people. Let me first state that I am the last person to talk about dress because I put on the same thing (black pants, black shirt, and white collar) almost everyday. Therefore I would like to refere you to a great organization called Pure Fashion. The website is www.purefashion.com. The following information is from their website.

Pure Fashion models are more than just fashion models; they are ROLE MODELS!
Our goal is to show the public that it is possible to be stylish, cute, and MODEST!
All styles should flatter the figure, but not draw extreme attention to any certain area.

Shirts:
!              The neckline should not be lower than four fingers below the collarbone.
!              The material should not be sheer, very thin, or spandex.
!              Shirts should not be tight across the bust.
!              The shape of the bra should not be seen in the back (if visible, the shirt on top is too tight).
!              The backs should be modest. For example, no strappy backs, halter, or backless garments.
!              Tank tops should be modeled only with a shirt, jacket, or sweater over them.

Pants:
!              Should not be too tight, especially in the seat or thigh area.
!              Should fit well, but not be skin-tight. One should be able to pull them away from the leg.
!              Shorts should be modest. They should not be very short and/or tight. When the arms are straight down at the side, the bottom of the shorts should be below the longest finger. Remember, clothing worn by models on an elevated runway appears shorter to the audience.
!              Make sure that “panty lines” are not visible on stage. If necessary, wear pantyhose or a “thigh shaper” to create a smooth appearance in the clothing.

Skirts:
!              Should not be very tight fitting.
!              Should not be constructed of a material that is too thin. If necessary, wear a slip.
!              Should not be shorter than four fingers above the top of the kneecap.

Dresses:
!              Should follow the shirt guidelines.
!              No sleeveless, strapless, or spaghetti (or other thin strapped) dresses, even if worn with a wrap.
!              Dresses should have sleeves or be worn with a shrug.

Final notes:
Undergarments should never become outer garments. Bra straps should not be exposed, etc.

When buying clothes and dressing to express your personal dignity as a young lady:

1.            Remember that first impressions are important. People who never have the opportunity to speak to you can still see you. How do you want them to remember you?

2.            Remember that individuals live in many different positions. People sit, stand, lean over, climb up stairs with others behind them, and sit at tables facing speakers, bosses, or teachers. How do your clothes or lack of clothes appear to someone seated alongside, above, and below you in all of your daily positions?

3.            Blouses and shirts that are too loose can be as immodest as tight ones. If the neckline droops from the body when a woman bends over, everyone can see the body parts the blouse was designed to cover. If the armpit is too loose, think about the view of the person standing alongside.

4.            Blouses that button sometimes have see through gaps between the buttons, so if there is a side view to the inside, this may not be the blouse to buy or wear. Is the blouse too tight and comes unbuttoned easily? A full slip or tank top may need to be worn underneath.

5.            With arms lifted overhead when looking in the mirror, does the back or belly show? If so, a longer look or a layer underneath is necessary.
6.            When going upstairs at work or school, a short skirt will show the upper thigh to those below you. This is not a body part for a dignified woman to openly expose in public.

7.            Many of today's V-necks have plunged to all new “lows.” They can even become more revealing when worn by young women of short or medium height. Layering one’s tops ensures that your private parts remain private.

8.            Make sure that undergarments are doing their job protecting modesty during the warm summer months. Try an extra lined bra for the months that it is too warm to dress in layers. If wearing light colored pants, ask yourself, how thick is the fabric and how loose are the pants? Also, choose a bra that has a little padding in the event of a chill.

9.            Let the clothing be an advertisement of your dignity as a young lady. Be careful about dressing “grungy” even if it is modest. Typically, how you dress and how you behave will correspond. If dressed sloppily , one’s actions are more likely to be sloppy. If dressed like a young lady, you are more likely to behave like a young lady.

10.          Finally, walk, stand, and sit with dignity. Think of yourself as a person who deserves respect. Ask for it by dressing in a dignified manner
 

Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius
October 5, 2014
Spiritual Ponderings
Bonus: Pregnancy is A Gift Not A Flaw

 
The Church’s teaching on sexuality, I believe is so controversial in the world today for two reasons.  The first is that whenever we talk about sexuality we are talking about something that touches us at the core of our being – at our foundation.  The second reason is that the Church’s teaching is so simple that it almost has to be lived to discover its true beauty.  Recently, I read an article by a Catholic woman explaining why she believes the Church’s teachings to be true.  The article was titled “Pregnancy is a Gift Not a Flaw” by Haley Steward.  Quotes from her article are in bold and my commentary will be in regular font. 

Pregnancy is A Gift Not A Flaw - By Haley Stewart

I think Catholic teaching on contraception is really crucial to understanding the respect for womanhood that the Church affirms.
 
The Church’s stance on birth control is one of the most controversial issues of our day. Why should women be enslaved to pregnancy and child-rearing instead of pursuing something, anything else? Why should a woman’s right to contraception be taken off the table? Why is the HHS Mandate such a big deal? Does the Church just want all women to be oppressed, barefoot, and pregnant in the kitchen? These questions completely miss the point. Far from wanting to degrade women, the Church always wants to honor womanhood.
 
*Our parents do not instruct or advise us to avoid illegal drugs so that they can hold us back.  Parents instruct and encourage children to avoid drugs so that their children can reach their full potential.  The Catholic Church is the same way.  The Church desires us to reach our full potential and so when the Church tells us to avoid something like contraception it does so with a true desire to see us grow
 
Before our conversion, I was on the Pill for a year and a half. We got married young, I was only 20, Daniel was 21, and we were both still in college. At the time we were attending a Baptist church. I can’t tell you how many of our well-meaning friends and members of our faith community asked when they heard of our engagement, “So, Haley, have you started taking birth control, yet? Because you gotta take it a couple months ahead of time for it to be really effective so you don’t end up pregnant!”
 
Apart from being a really invasive question, what kind of message did that send to me? A. Pregnancy is a disaster that needs serious prevention in order to be avoided. B. There is something flawed in the way your body works. You need a prescription to fix this problem you have so that you’re not the cause of a horrible inconvenience (at best) to yourself and your poor husband.
 
*Is it funny that people are willing to ask embarrassing or seriously emotional one but we are afraid to ask someone to pray with or for us and
 
These folks had our best interests at heart. But far from feeling liberated by this push for the Pill, I felt ashamed of my womanhood, embarrassed of my pesky fertility. The way my body was created was clearly flawed. I had a serious problem and it hinged on the unfortunate fact that I was born a woman.
 
*Fertility is not a disease.  When a couple conceives a child that means everything is working properly.  I do not need to fix my hot water heater if it is making the water hot for my showers. 
 
Fast forward to when I quit taking the Pill my last semester of college and got pregnant just after graduation. Unplanned, unexpected, but we were indescribably happy about it. Assuming we were disappointed, many of our friends attempted to commiserate with us. “Wow. Your life is really gonna change,” they’d grimace. “Things are gonna be different” was about the most encouraging phrase they could muster. The pastor at our Baptist Church even asked, “This wasn’t planned, was it? I mean, you’d have to be crazy to want to be pregnant right now, in your situation!” Our situation being that we were young and Daniel had another year of school to finish and a thesis to write
 
That attitude really was a storm cloud over my glowing happiness. I had failed. I had ruined us. There was something wrong with me and because I hadn’t altered the way my body worked with meds, I was supposed to feel embarrassed or stupid or ignorant for “getting us into this situation.”
 
*Nowhere in Scripture does God describe children but in terms of a blessing.  Many of the pregnancies of the Bible came at inopportune times.  Isaac was conceived long after Sarah was of childbearing ages.  Joseph in the Old Testament was the eleventh of 12 boys in a family.  Moses was conceived when there was an order for all male children were to be killed as soon as they were born. 
 
I can’t tell you the striking difference between this mindset and the way Catholics responded to our big news. There was no pity in our Catholic friends and professors faces for this hapless young couple. They were actually excited! “Praise God!” they’d say. “What a blessing! How wonderful!”
 
Maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me? I wondered. Maybe it’s not insane to be thrilled that we’re expecting before having our careers settled and being financially secure. Maybe this womanhood thing is something to celebrate?
 
*Jesus broke down many social barriers in His life and He did this not by asking women to change but by respecting who they were.  He talked with them as a person, He invited them to be a part of his ministry, and finally He did not hold them to a different moral standard than others. 
 
As we began reading the teachings of the Church on marriage, fertility, and contraception, I started to think about my body differently. There wasn’t anything broken about it. There wasn’t anything to apologize for. By making procreation a central feature of sex, we were honoring each others’ bodies and their Creator. We were fearfully and wonderfully made and we could embrace the womanhood and manhood we brought to the marriage bed.  We could be sub-creators, participants in God’s redemptive, creative work and that miraculous creation of a new soul could happen within me.
 
*Being a co-creator with God has to be a pretty awesome experience.  I know that when I hold a baby in my hands, I cannot help but be amazed at the power of God to work in our lives.  Each infant’s personality shines forth even when all they can do is grunt, shrug, and smile at us. 
 
Instead of something to be ashamed of, I began to celebrate the unique honor of my womanhood. Because God has given women an opportunity to share in his creation that men will never have. My husband will never know what it is like to grow new life inside himself. Granted, he will also never know what it feels like to throw up everyday for several weeks due to extreme morning sickness. I’m not saying pregnancy is easy or without sacrifice, but it is cosmic and amazing. An eternal soul is entering the world and I have been chosen to participate in this work. I am honored. I am celebrated.
 
*As I read the above paragraph, I thought of a something I believe Fulton Sheen said in that in the Gospels where ever  there is a moment of suffering/passion in Christ’s life there is also a moment of glorification.  For example Jesus humbled himself to be born of a virgin and angels announced His coming as man to the shepherds.  Another example is Jesus suffered on the cross and therefore He experienced the Resurrection.  While a mother suffers through pregnancy the moment of glory (the birth of a new life) is truly amazing.
 
If we think that by denying our fertility we are being liberated, we have been sadly taken in. By divorcing procreation from sex, women are degraded. We have to apologize for our womanhood, the possibility that we might get pregnant and inconvenience someone. Better to have a surgical procedure render us sterile so that we don’t ruin any poor man’s life by landing him with, of all things, a baby.
 
One of the lies about contraception is that increased access to the Pill decreases the number of abortions performed. That’s rarely true and misses the big picture which is that when a country turns to a contraceptive mentality, changing it’s view of the purpose of sex, the abortion rate increases:
 
“Contraception has been shown to decrease abortion rates primarily in countries with already high abortion rates. These represent a minority of countries. Contraception has been shown to increase abortion rates primarily in countries with already low abortion rates. These represent a majority of countries. Contraception has been shown to slightly reduce abortion rates after its initial increase of abortion rates, but has never been shown to reduce abortion rates back to pre-contraception levels.”
 
*Once a person considers a child an object that is preventing them from reaching happiness.   Many will take any step necessary to get rid of the child because the child is now seen as a threat to their way of life they will go a long way in getting rid of the child because the child has come in the mind of the woman an obstacle to the woman’s survival.                                                                                                                                                                     
When we no longer value the way God created women, and prescribe a medical fix for their natural fertility, are we really respecting womanhood?
 
Catholic teaching about marriage, sex, fertility, and contraception affirms the value of women and protects us from degradation. As a Catholic woman, I can fully embrace my body. I don’t need to apologize for my womanhood. I am honored and celebrated.

Two young ladies arrived to a meeting wearing clothes that were quite revealing their body parts. Here is what the Chairman told them: He took a good look at them and made them sit. Then he said something that, they might never forget for the rest of their lives.
 
He looked at them straight in the eyes and said; "ladies, everything that God has valuable in this world is well covered and hard to see, find or get.
 
1. Where do you find DIAMONDS? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.
 
2. Where do you find PEARLS? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.
 
3. Where do you find GOLD? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers of rock and to get them, you have to work hard & dig deep down to get them.
 
He looked at them with serious eyes and said;
 
"Your body is sacred & unique" You are far more precious than gold, diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too. So he added that, "If you keep your treasured mineral just like gold, diamond and pearls, deeply covered up, a reputable mining organization with the requisite machinery will fly down and conduct years of extensive exploration."
 
Then he said, "First, they will contact your government (family), sign professional contracts (wedding) and mine you professionally( legal marriage). But if you leave your precious minerals uncovered on the surface of the earth, you always attract a lot of illegal miners to come and mine you illegally. Everybody will just pick up their crude instruments and just have a dig on you just freely like that. So, keep your bodies deeply covered so that it invite professional miners to chase you

The following are someways that  you can connect with your spouse.  The more of these intimate encounters you can work into your relationship the better your relationship will come.  As a cook becomes better when he or she is able to use more than one spice so you will become a better spouse.  In the same way a baseball pitcher becomes better when he has more than one pitch in his repetoir so you will become a bettter spouse.