Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius August 20, 2017 Spiritual Ponderings Toxic Behaviors
I love the movie
Star Wars: Empire Strikes Backs for many reasons. The scenes in which Yoda teaches Luke about the ways of the Force, I find personally fool of wisdom. For example at one point in the movie, Yoda places a huge task before Luke and even before Luke makes an effort he resigns himself to defeat to which Yoda quickly replies “
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” Luke, convinced that the task before him is impossible makes a half-hearted attempt. He is then amazed when Yoda is able to complete the task:
This is Yoda being brutally honest with Luke, who breathlessly says, “I don’t believe it,” after his Master raises an X-wing from the Dagobah swamp. It’s a definitive statement that comes from Yoda’s years and years of experience as a Jedi and a teacher, and it cuts through both to Luke and the audience. This little scene from the movie demonstrates the power of negative thinking. (Quotes from my counseling handout will be in bold and my commentary will be in regular font)
Negative Thinking Everyone, at some point in their life, has suffered a tragedy or overcame an obstacle that seemed impossible. Allowing those low periods forever effect your thinking process will drive others away. No one wants to surround themselves with negativity because it is toxic. Pessimistic thinking takes more energy than a positive mind frame.
I will spend hours working with someone, if I think that they are giving it their all. On the other hand, I have very little patience for someone who approaches a task convinced that they will never succeed. A friend of mine was convinced that he would never be able to operate a computer and thus any attempt to show him was a waste of time. Imagine my surprise when a few months later, I saw him walking around with a laptop. He told me that he had saw another friend of his using one and he figured that if that friend could use a computer then he could. The key to his success therefore was the attitude he brought to the task before him.
People always want to be around people who will lift up their spirit and encourage them to be better. No one wants to be around a pessimist. If you discover that you are constantly being negative and driving people away let me suggest that you first begin by simply being quiet. Just because you feel negative about a situation does not mean that you have to express it. Second, try to see why other people in your situation have a sense of a hope or a reason to be optimistic. Finally develop a sense of gratitude. When you realize everything is a blessing from God then you begin to realize how blest you are and that begins to show.
Lack of Self-Control There will be times when your patience is spread thin however this should not be the norm. Having a lack of self-control can bring on embarrassing situations - uncontrollable crying over small incidents, screaming at someone over spilled milk or getting upset over a mild over sight. A lack of self-control will bring up concerns for the people around you because they will not want to be an accessory to your behavior.
Here are some things to practice in order to help you grow in self-control.
1. Look at the big picture. - Ask yourself why the current situation bothers you. Most likely it is because you have forgotten that God loves you and will provide for you.
2. Know the perils of inadequate sleep and stress. - Our bodies and souls are connected. We need to make sure that we are well rested and find appropriate ways to deal with the stress that builds up in our bodies.
3. Relax already. - Soothe yourself, remind yourself that no matter what happens. God will still provide people in your life who love you for who you are.
4. Do some short bouts of exercise. - Exercise can help release endorphins and give you a sense of accomplishment.
5. Know yourself. - Know what your triggers are and what the temptations are that you face most often and develop a plan of action to combat them.
6. Avoid Impermanent - Keep command of your senses (and your tongue). Don’t let a foreign substance rob you of your mental filter.
7. Enjoy the positive things going on - Take time to remind yourself of all the good things that you have going on in your life and all the great relationships God has given you. There is always something to be grateful for.