Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius September 17, 2017 Spiritual Ponderings Seven Steps to Bring Your Child Home to the Faith
I have dedicated this month’s Spiritual Ponderings to reflect on ideas of how best to bring fallen away Catholics back to the Catholic Church. I know that this is an important topic too many of us because I believe we all know at least one person who has fallen away from the daily living out of one’s faith. Brandon Vogt’s article: “Seven Steps to Bring Your Child Home To the Faith” is providing us with the structure we need for this important topic that always has the possibility of derailing into many different tracks of thought if we are not capable. Quotes from Brandon’s article will be in bold and my commentary will be in the normal font.
4. Start the conversation At some point, you need to open a dialogue about God and the Church. You might say, “Can I ask you something? I wonder if you’d be up for talking about spiritual things some time. I know you have a mixed relationship with the Church, but would you be open to chatting about it with me? I just want to listen.” Then do just that: listen. Your goal is to detect why your child has drifted from the Church. Note that the reasons he gives may be different than what you expect. Ask him what he believes and why, and what pushed or pulled him away. Don’t respond to the objections or criticisms just yet — just absorb them. This may involve biting your tongue, but the scar tissue will be worth it!
Remember that the key here is dialogue. In dialogue both parties want to discover the truth or the right way to do something. If you are not looking for the truth or the best way to do something and when one or both parties have a desire to “win” the argument you are no longer dialoguing but rather you are in conflict. Very few people are ever persuaded by conflict. Remember therefore to always speak in a nice tone, never criticize or put down, etc.
Remember also that the issue may not be the issue.
5. Move the dialogue forward You’ve now identified why your child left the Church. Maybe he drifted away unintentionally. Maybe he switched religions. Maybe he disagrees with the Church’s moral teachings. Or maybe he no longer believes in God. Whatever the case, now’s the time to start discussing those factors. Speaking with joy and positivity, clear up any misconceptions he has. For example, if he says, “I was never spiritually fed as a Catholic,” it’s likely he never fully understood the Eucharist or was exposed to the great spiritual masters of our tradition. Gently propose those to him and encourage him to reconsider.
I am a big Star Wars fan. I have loved the movies from the first time I saw them. My love for them increased when I watched a documentary about the making of Star Wars. The documentary helped me understand how truly radical George Lucas’s vision was and how his experience of making Star Wars has helped modern day movie making. Did you know for example that George Lucas left Hollywood after making Empire Strikes back because he was fine by the Screen Actors guild and director’s guild for not having opening credits. Angry, George left Hollywood and created Skywalker Ranch and it is there that he and his engineers created so much of the equipment used in modern film making today. How can you help your love one know about the Catholic Church? Maybe you could show them a good movie series like Catholicism by Fr. Robert Barron?
You could also give them a copy of the lives of the saints. They may be surprised to find out that Dorothy Day had an abortion which she later regretted. They may also be surprised that a young Frenchman named Jacques Fesch is up for canonization despite being executed for killing a police officer because he became a mystic in prison after expressing sorrow for his life of crime. They may be inspired by the life of Maximillian Kolbe who gave himself up to death so that another man could live. They may also be inspired by the intellectual thought of Thomas Aquinas, Edith Stein, or the wit of G.K. Chesterton.
Invite them to take a class with you or to watch a video program on the Catholic faith. Show them that you are still learning and invite them to dive deeper into the Catholic faith.